Daniel slipped even closer to me, almost on top of me now, he pushed me back unto the blanket; held me there with a steady hand on my shoulder. I tried to come up more than once, but he pushed me down roughly every time.
I tried to scream by the thoughts of what he might do to me and he muffled out my screams by kissing me. He crushed his lips on to mine and tried to force his tongue into my mouth. Once again I protested against his body, trying to get free but then I felt it…
He lifted up my dress and I felt a hand tugging at my underwear. I remembered my stilettos and I managed to get my leg free from under his legs, I pulled my legs back and kicked. Hard. I kicked everything my legs could reach and felt his hold releasing a bit. The moment I felt free enough I jumped up.
I pulled off my stilettos and ran, stiletto’s in hand. I didn’t know where to go, or what to do, but I ran. I had to get away from that monster!!
In the run I realized I still had my handbag with me, I pulled out my phone and looked around me. Hoping he wasn’t following. Then I heard it, “Carrie. Carrie”
My name echoed through the silent park and I ran faster, needing to get as far away from Daniel as possible! I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt the wind blowing on my face and I felt it drying the wetness on my face… Why did I have to fall for him? I thought he liked ME??
I automatically dialed Allie’s number and got no answer, I then dialed Oliver’s. He picked up on the second ring. I sat down next to a big bush, hidden from every side..
“Hey”…. “Carrie, are you there?”….
The moment I heard his voice I collapsed in tears, I needed to hear the voice of someone I love…
“C, what happened?”
“Come fetch me?” Is all I could get out…
“Where are you?”
“I don’t know, in the park, there is a big bush, really big, I’m in the middle of it…”
“We are coming.”
I was so distraught; I didn’t even ask who we were.
That is where the found me ten minutes later, in the middle of the bush, somewhere in the park. Once or twice I thought I heard Daniel, who was certainly the last person I wanted to see at that moment.
I was crying hysterically when I saw Oliver, with him was Jake.
Not really my favorite person, but a friendly face is a friendly face…
“Carrie, baby! Are you okay?!” Oliver rushed to my side and hugged me awkwardly.
I was sitting bundled up, my knees pulled up to my chin and my arms wrapped tightly around my legs. Oliver looked at Jake and he moved forward, making to pick me up, like Daniel did only a few hours ago.
A small shriek escaped my mouth and I crawled into Oliver’s’ arms. I was save there. Ollie wouldn’t touch me. He would never hurt me. But Jake was another guy! I had forgotten he was another friendly face. I didn’t trust him. He was male! Once again hysterical tears and sobs escaped my body and Oliver held me tightly.
“Care Bear? Let us take you to the car. Please?”
I could hear him begging and replied softly against his neck, “You take me. He can’t touch me.”
I glanced at Jake and saw the look on his face, a look I couldn’t comprehend. He was shaking with fury. I glanced back at Oliver and wanted to ask him if Jake was okay. But the soft eyes that met mine stopped the question. It was the eyes of a friend, telling me everything was going to be okay.
Oliver picked me up, fairly easy for a gay dude, I thought.
He was more built than anyone thought gays should be, which was probably one of the reasons no one liked him being gay…
He carried me all the way to the car, Jake following silently behind. He made to put me in front, but I protested, needing to lie down.
“Should I sit with you?” Jake asked.
I just made shook my head violently and Oliver just shook his head at Jake and laid me down in the back seat. I couldn’t face men now. Ollie was okay. Ollie wasn’t a man. But Jake was!
He had MAN written all over him, from his perfect fit jeans to his angry, handsome face. Why did he look so angry?
My head was a mess! All I wanted now was a hot bath and a bed… A warm warm bed. Maybe food… Nah, I couldn’t stomach anything at this moment.
“Carrie?! Care Bear?!” Oliver shook my shoulders and I looked up at him. “We are at my house, C!”
I sat up and got out of the car automatically and then I felt my legs collapsing and my head blacking out. I couldn’t stop the pressure against my eyes and just let my body fall into the warm arms. The only thought entering my head before entirely blacking out is the sweet smell off the arms I was in…
How could anyone do that to a girl so perfect?! Not that I know what happened in that park, but I could venture a pretty good guess. He tried to rape her, or maybe he did?!?
I tried to stop this rage in my heart by concentrating on the fragile body in my arms. When I saw Carrie collapsing I couldn’t help but catch her, even if she didn’t want me touching her.
Lucky for me, she was so out; she didn’t know who caught her.
“There is only one person who could have done this to her,” I said to Oliver. Talking seemed to stop my rage.
“We don’t know what happened,” Oliver replied.
“Two guesses,” I said with a sarcastic sneer and laid Carrie down on Oliver’s bed.
“She would want to bathe now, she always takes refuge in the bath,” Oliver said, ignoring me.
I walk to run her a bath, whilst Oliver tries to awake her. By the time I returned to the room, she was still asleep and Oliver was begging her to wake up.
“Dude the water is ready.” Oliver just looked at me and back down at Carrie.
“You wake her up then.” He walked to the door and stood there waiting.
I walk to her side, brush her jet black hair out of her eyes before whispering softly so just she can hear me.
“Carrie, love, please come bath? You will feel better.”
She just stirred a bit and slept further. I looked hopelessly at Oliver.
“Let’s just leave her,” we said simultaneously.
We silently walked out of the room and made our way down stairs to the kitchen. Where we found Oliver’s older brother, Adam.
“So what are you two up to so late?” Adam asked, “Playing around?” he added suggestively with a wink.
“Unlike you, I have friends. Not just flings!” Oliver replied and got two Cola’s from the fridge and flinging one at me.
I have gotten used to Adam and Oliver this past two months.
Adam was a jock, and the biggest player in the school, who just couldn’t comprehend that his equally beautiful brother would settle for boys while he could get any girl he wanted. But Adam loved his brother and if anyone but him picked on Oliver, there was trouble.
Oliver and I had developed a close (weird) friendship and his boyfriend, Sam, accepted our friendship for what it was. What made it easier for me to get over the fact that my best friend is gay, is the fact Carrie stole my heart. I was utterly and completely in love… Just too bad she had to fall for that scumbag!!
My furious shaking started up again as I thought about what might’ve happened in the park.
“Whoa, dude, what is Jake’s case?” Adams’ voice dragged me back to reality.
“We just went to pick up Carrie…” Oliver answered and I knew he was about to tell the whole story to Adam, they shared almost everything!
“From where?” Adam asked and took a bite of the pizza he held in his hand.
“The park,” Oliver said, leaving the statement open for interpretation.
I placed down my bottle of Cola and walked back upstairs. Not in the mood to relive the story again.
Back in Oliver’s’ room, Carrie was awake. When she saw me, she cringed back against the wall. She pulled the duvet up to her chin, leaving every bit of her body covered up.
“Caroline….” I whispered her full name and sat on the edge of the bed. She shifted back once again and stared hopelessly from under her hair.
“I won’t touch you,” I promised, “I just want to be here for you.”
She nodded slightly and relaxed a bit. We just sat there looking at one another until she was completely comfortable with me being there. But I was careful not to talk or move suddenly, as that made her tense all over again.
We just sat there, not talking, not moving. Just looking and breathing. Until Oliver returned to his room.
“Care Bear! You are awake.” He rushed up and hugged her. A twinge entered my heart when seeing how easy he could touch her. While the mere sight of me repulsed her.
“We ran you a warm bath and I phoned your mom. Told her you are depro because you and Daniel broke up and you are sleeping here. She was fine with it.”
She just looked at him and cringed slightly at the sound of his name. Oliver helped her up from bed and walked her to the bathroom. Her body moved automatically. Her eyes was blank, her usual sparkly eyes was dead.
“Dude! What’s up with you?!” I twist around to see Oliver entering the room and realized it is the first time we are alone since we found Carrie. Now is the perfect time to tell him about my love for the torn up girl in the bathroom.
“Why?” is my only reply…
“Because ever since we found C you are shaking with anger! Are you… Wait. Are you angry at Daniel for dating Carrie?”
Sometimes Oliver could be just daft!!
“Dating?? No! I’m furious at him for hurting Carrie!”
He looks at me intently and throws himself on the bed, still waiting for an answer to the unasked question.
I sat down on the desk chair and sink my head into my hands.
“I like her,” I mumble softly. Only loud enough for Oliver to hear and suddenly jump up and down!
“Dude! What now?!” I ask, frowning up at him.
“Come on, J! You two are perfect for each other. Allie and I both saw it. We just waited for you to realize it.”
“Hold on Mister Matchmaker, I can’t make a move now!”
“Why?” Oliver sat down again as if I stole his sudden burst of adrenaline.
“Because she is cut up! She is terrified by the sight of me. She doesn’t need love now. She needs understanding and friendship.”
Just as I finished talking, Carrie entered the room. She was wearing one of Oliver’s’ T’s and a boxer. She fell into Oliver’s’ lap the moment she was close enough and started crying again, silently.
He put her down on the bed and tucked her in like a small child. Just before she closes her eyes, she caught mine and mouthed a silent “Thank you”
As I opened my eyes I saw the familiar surroundings of Oliver’s room. Then the memories came flooding back. And, although my body protested with sobs, gasps and tears, I made myself face the memories and thoughts that entered into my head.
How could someone I trust, someone I LOVE use me like that? Did I really love him…. ?
I never wanted us to end, let alone end like that! And now I was stuck with this ridiculous fear inside me! This fear of all the men I trust. Would they too turn on me? I just had to shut them all out. All except Oliver, he was an exception.
“Morning sunshine!” Oliver came into the room, as if my thoughts summoned him, with a cup of coffee.
My savior. He came to sit on the bed with me and I took the cup gladly. Drinking the coffee like it’s my only life essence.
Somehow I could stand being with Oliver. He would never trick me into anything.
Then suddenly I felt my anger growing. No longer was I distraught or sad or even hysterical. I was angry!!
I picked up my small handbag from Oliver’s bedside table and took out my phone…
5 NEW MESSAGES it proclaimed…
All five was from Daniel. Various exclamations of I am sorry and please forgive me’s.
I grew angrier by the minute and told Oliver I needed to go shower. He just nodded and said he was going to go get ready for school. Then I remembered school.
“Are you ready to go to school?” Oliver asked concerned.
“Yes,” I replied bravely and went to the shower.
I tried to clear my mind, but all that keep repeating in my head is the look on Daniel’s face as he tried to grope me!
I wondered if he really would have raped me if I haven’t gotten away. Did he really think I wanted it? When have I ever given any signs that for my anniversary present I wanted to sleep with him! I only ever slept with one other guy, the boyfriend I lost in January when he moved away, and that was after a year of dating!!
I considered sex as a show of love, not lust or happiness, and I certainly didn’t LOVE Daniel after two months! I felt a lot for him, and I believe it would have grown to be love, if he had handled it correctly! Maybe Jake was right and we went into this relationship too fast! I hated admitting Jake was right.
I entered Oliver’s room with just a towel around my body as I had forgotten to get myself some clothes before going to the shower.
When Jake saw me coming in, he opened his mouth (probably to greet me) But closed it again as he saw what I was wearing (or wasn’t, for that matter)
“O, I don’t have clothes for school,” I proclaimed as Jake shut the door behind him and I heard him trudging down stairs.
Oliver threw me something and I caught the scrap of material. I opened it and saw a small dress I left here a few weeks ago.
“This?” I ask shocked as I took in the small piece of pink dress. “You can almost see my ass in this! I don’t want to wear stuff like this again!”
Oliver nodded understandingly, “But Girly! You have to face your fears. You are better than Daniel. Now wear that over this,” He threw me a pair or knee length jean I was looking for days ago, “And face the school as if you own it. Never let a man bring you down.”
I looked down at the clothes and quickly put them on over last night’s underwear (no replacements for that sadly) and then looked down at my bare feet. Oliver followed my eyes and he kneeled in front of me, putting on my stiletto’s of the previous evening as if I was Cinderella.
“Ollie-boy, I can’t go to school in heels!”
“Why not?” He asked and stared me down.
I shrugged and towel dried my hair, letting them hang on my shoulders, not even bothering to brush it out, just shaking it right.
Oliver pulled me into a tight hug and smiled down at me, “You are gonna make it!”
I smiled and got my guts back. I smiled softly up at him and said, “I’m ready!”
Oliver and I made our way down stairs and Jake cheered as I entered the kitchen and I sent him a glare…
He laughed out loud at me and I frowned at him, “What Jake?”
“You are yourself again!” He laughed as I glared at him again.
I grabbed myself a granola bar and hugged Oliver’s mom as she entered the kitchen.
Oliver scooted me and Jake out of the door and we all yelled a quick good bye to his mom who was walking upstairs again with coffee. I then realized I was minutes away from seeing Daniel again.
I tried to regulate my breathing but I saw the concerned looks on both Oliver’s and Jakes’ faces.
“O, did you tell Allie about last night?” I asked for the sake of saying something as we get into the car.
“Yip, she texted me while you were in the shower, she will meet us as soon as we get to school.”
I mentally hugged him and smiled as I thought about how amazing these two boys (well one and a half) has been to me from the moment I called Oliver. There was no one who knew me like Oliver and Allie, and if Jake could be a little less obnoxious, maybe I could grow to love him too…
Ever too soon, we stopped at school. We were a few minutes earlier than usual, so there wasn’t a lot of people.
My eyes caught something red flying at us as soon as I stepped out of the car. The red thing collided with me and pulled me into a hug. I was instantly comforted by the feel of my best friend near me.
I held Allie out at arms’ length in front of me and took in her new her, red red red hair, like fire red hair! And it suited her as much as everything else she ever done with her hair!
“Allie Cat! What did you do???” I asked, still slightly in shock.
“Well, this was what I was doing last night when you phoned me. I put of my phone because I wanted to concentrate on the awesomeness I call my hair! But Carrie! I am so sorry I didn’t come!”
“Al, calm down. You look amazing and I am fine! No harm no fowl.” I smiled more bravely than I felt, my friends’ energy seeping into me. Normally I would be the one bouncing around and talking too much. But I could feel that wouldn’t be my attitude today.
We walked into school, all four of us next to each other, Allie and Oliver both linked into my arms and Jake walking next to Allie like our protector. As we walked inside I could feel my stomach clenching together and Allie held me tighter sensing my uncomfortableness…
Our way to our lockers was quite uneventful and the boys left us to go to their own lockers. Allie and I got out our English books and as I turned around, I gasped.
“What?!” Allie instantly asked and turned around.
In front of us stood Amanda, Daniels’ ex. She had a smirk on her face which loudly said, “I win” and that’s exactly what her words to me was.
“Amanda, I didn’t realize we were in a competition, and if the price is Daniel. Then I forfeit! I wouldn’t want him even if he was offered to me on a silver platter”
Amanda’s’ smile faltered a bit with each word as she realized I never saw her as an opponent and I got a little braver with the sense of pride because I had the guts to walk away.
“I hope you didn’t take him back?” I asked and heard Amanda’s’ smirk before I saw it. Clearly she still thought he was a god…
“Of course.” She said and walked away.
I looked at Allie and we both spoke simultaneously: “What was that all about?”
We started laughing and I felt my old self return a bit. I think I am ready to seize the day.
Hey!!! Hope you enjoy this post, I had difficulty writing this post, you know, a lot of emotions etc. But On the other hand I loved it for the exact same reason!
PS… Today’s journal page will be put up tomorrow!