Choices

 

 

Hey there blogging world…

For a while now, I felt ‘stuck’ in my life. Everything was going okay, nothing bad, but also nothing exceptionally good happened. I went to work, came home, ate dinner, watched TV, went to bed and repeat it all the next day. But I prayed every night for a change.

For my book to get recognized, for another job (something not in an office!), and for love…. But nothing came. Still I did not panic. Something in me said, just wait, after your 21st all will change.

Well, my 21st came and gone, and no change – granted, it’s only been a week! But I half expected something magical to happen on the weekend and change my whole life. But nothing happened…

This week, on Thursday my sister decided my foot only got worse, and not better. So she took me to a local clinic, where the nurse revered us to the State hospital nearby, as she wanted me to have x-rays done, and we do not have Medical Aid. Our only option was the state hospital.

Now if you live in South Africa, or ever been here, you would know that the thought of going to a state hospital is frightening, very frightening. I braced myself and we went to Dr Yussuf Daddoo Hospital.

It was quiet, confusing and bit dirty, to be honest. But we did not have a choice, so we went to sit a Casualty to wait for assistance… As we waited (for half an hour) in a dodgy hallway, I saw how absolutely neglected the hospital is. Not enough nurses, or doctors, sick people sitting around with no one helping them, beds of wood and no working structure at all.

When we finally received help, everyone was kind, helpful and respectful and from there on everything went quite fast. But in the two hours we spent in that state hospital, my outlook on life changed.

I always thought ‘only poor people go to state hospitals’ and that I would never be found in a place like that. But as I sat there, with a hobo across from me and an old lady with heart problems worried about my silly little foot. I realized something very important. I’m not better than anyone.

God made every one of us, He loves every one of us, and nothing makes me ‘better’ or more ‘special’ than that hobo, shouting obscenities at everyone around him.

That’s when that ‘something magical’ happened. I decided to think of someone other than myself.

I always wanted to get published, because I wanted to be famous. I wanted a new job, because I hated wasting my life in an office. I wanted everything, because it will make MY life better.

But whilst sitting in that hospital, my perspective changed. Suddenly I wanted to get published, because I want to spend money on the state hospitals, to make the other people’s life better. It wasn’t about me anymore!

I’m still in the same place as a week ago, but I’m so much happier about it now! I don’t care about the fact that I work in a dead-end 9 to 5 job, at least I have a job!

Suddenly, I am happy that I hurt my leg, because if it wasn’t for that, I would still only be thinking about me, myself and I.

I always read, ‘God works in mysterious ways’, but never did I think my hurt foot had anything to do with God trying to teach me a lesson. The night we came back to town, after my 21st, I started reading about Samuel, about how his mother prayed and prayed to get pregnant, but nothing happened, but the moment she changed her perspective and decided to give her first-born to God, He gave her a boy. No questions asked.

And as we sat in the hospital, that was my only though, maybe my prayers, dreams and wishes don’t come true, because I’m making it all about me. But, now that my eyes have opened and I have seen that the world is bigger than just me. I believe that my prayers will come true, if and when it is God’s plan.

Have a lovely day, bloggers!

M*

 

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