maybe you’re right, maybe not

I’ve been wondering about something… Why do we, as people, not only women, but all people, fall in love with the wrong people?
And sometimes it’s not even real ‘falling in love’, sometimes its just excessive infatuation.
But still we have this epic tendency to form connections with completely the wrong people.
Are we really that masochistic and self-destructive that we don’t realize what’s wrong for us? Or do we just enjoy the few moments of butterflies so much, that we are willing to forget about getting hurt and just want to keep falling?

I love falling in love with things, like this quote from Country Strong

From Google Images...
From Google Images…

I get teased daily about thinking everything is ‘the coolest thing EVER’ or ‘the prettiest thing EVER’ or ‘the nicest place EVER’, but I like the fact that I can get excited about things, small things and big things.

And I like that I could get excited about Him, even if He was the wrong choice by any means, and I’m setting myself up for some terrible sadness, I’m so happy to have met Him. To have Him cross my path, and give me so many new things to think about in life…

Still, the question hangs in the air, why do we get enchanted by people who don’t feel the same for us? Or why are they so much better at hiding and controlling their enchantment?

This quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower (the best movie EVER =]) explains a bit of it…

From Google images..
From Google images..

And it’s sad that we don’t want to give ourselves the chance of wanting more, better, because we are afraid of failure, so we settle for that what is in front of us, just because we don’t think something better will come along.

Which is why I went on two dates with a 50-year-old who I had nothing in common with, just because he was there, and it felt so good to have some one pay attention to me… But that is also why I gave the 50 yo up for Him, because I wanted more, and I wasn’t sure I was getting it from Him, but I wanted the chance…

Did I fail? I dunno. Did I succeed? I dunno…

Life is messy. Love is messier…

I wonder if I will ever know if He was actually interested? Or if I will ever share the whole story with any one but my sister and my notebook…? But mostly, I wonder, if circumstances weren’t as they are, and it wasn’t the wrong time or place for us, would ‘we’ have stood a chance? Would I have gotten a chance?

I will always want just one more proper kiss (not the little girl kind) and I will always sit with the knowledge that I’m not gonna get it, not willingly. Because having to ask for a kiss, that is kinda starting to suck…

Save me from this turmoil in my mind…

Love always,

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