What to believe…

The reasons I’m missing you, has nothing to do with the fact that you are not here, or that I fell in love, or that you are not contacting me.

Okay, it might have something to do with the lack of communication.

But mostly, it has to do with all the things you made me believe in. All the thing you made me believe about myself.

You made me believe that I am good, and that I deserve good things in life

You made me believe that Jack and music can fix almost anything (and now I crave Jack more than anything)

You made me believe that it is near impossible to wake up with out a good proper cup of coffee – a very expensive habit

You made me believe that words aren’t always needed, but that actions can’t always be trusted

You made me believe that I am better than dating a 50-year-old, just because he’s the only one interested.

You made me believe that I could actually write… well, you believed in me, and now I believe as well

And then you left… Now I’m not sure what to believe. Because for the first time in a very long time, I allowed myself to hope…

To hope that all you made me believe was true.

And now I’m pretty sure I was just a roadmarker on your way, and I’m okay with that.

I’m not happy, I’m not perfect, I’m not satisfied. but I’m okay.

Because this was a silly flirtation, and I was a fool, for believing in you… Of all the things I believed, that you actually cared, that was the most foolish one of them all.

I hope you miss the silly little girl, at least just a little bit. Because this is me, giving up on believing in you…

 

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