Remembering who I am…

This past few weeks, months, I’ve gotten so carried away by life, by everything, that I forgot to take a second for myself…

And when I have a second, I numb my brain with music and books, to keep from thinking, because if I gave myself a few seconds of silence, I would’ve noticed, I’m busy losing me…

I’ve been described as a few things, most recently and frequently, crazy, but there is two things that always stood out, and when I heard them I thought, Yup, this is who and what I want to be for the rest of me.

The first one came from one of my first boyfriends’, he told me, almost daily, “you’re like a flower-child, I can’t look at you and NOT be happy.”

Then there was this one time when me and my SuzyPie weren’t as epicly good friends as we are today, and she told one of our other friends, in response to the question why she doesn’t like me, “she’s always bubbling, this jumping, happy-go-lucky giggly thing.” (or something like that) and this was supposed to be an insult, but I loved it… That some one who wasn’t in contact with me that much, thought of me as this extremely happy person, made me even happier…

But the last few weeks, I misplaced my inner flower-child, I don’t know exactly why or where, but I feel her seeping back into my system, slowly, inch by inch.

I realized that these things I fixate on, is making me crazy, stealing my happiness, kidnapping my flower-child.

So, I’ve made an active decision to not have bad things in my life, either change them, or lose them.

I need to get my flower-child back, I need to remember who I am, who I like myself to be.

Love always,

M*

 

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