Be your own windkeeper

(Yes, I am currently re-watching Friends, for all who caught the reference)

^^ this was one of the best scene in season two! Then again, Friends is filled with wonderful scenes…

I watched this episode with the whole Windkeeper thing this morning. For those who don’t know what I’m talking about (please stop reading, I’m unfriending you ) just kidding, the whole theory is, women need to keep their own wind and stop men (the lightbearer) to steal the wind from their sails.

And, as incredibly stupid as it sounds, its true. We let men dictate our lives so easily, we dress to look good for them, we act the way we do, to impress them, we let them tell us what to do, when to do it. But we need to stop. We need to be our own Goddesses.

I had a point somewhere, but I keep getting distracted by the picture above, who would’ve guess Ross enjoyed ‘that’… Hee hee hee

That’s why I’m writing again.

To blow my own wind. I need to stop writing for him. I’ll probably always write about him, but I need to stop caring if he will read it, what he will think about it or who it will affect him. Because I am the most important person in my live, and so many people have tried to drill this thought into my head, two guys actually had me drunkenly crying a few weeks ago, because they tried to get me to see that I am amazing and need to embrace that.

Well, this is me, trying my best to be me to the fullest, not giving a crap about what any one thinks, because I am the most most important person in my live.

Thank you, for making me believe in my own epicness.

Love always,

Marlize

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Wishing Wednesday…

Today I feel like I need a shooting star, or a meteor shower, or maybe a comet to the head…

Point is, there is some days where I just feel, maybe a wish is not gonna work, but wish anyway and see what happens…

So here is a few Wednesday Wishes, some silly, some real, most true.

  • I wish you were closer… Or at least reachable
  • I wish Daddy was a lot closer! Or, once again, reachable…
  • I wish I knew why I am sad so darn much
  • I wish I had more wine
  • I wish I could drink wine instead of water at work
  • I wish the copious amounts of water I am drinking instead of wine is gonna help with not going to the gym-issue
  • I wish I went to the gym more
  • I wish for a HUGE Four Cheeses Pizza, to share =] (#ReasonsIneedtogym!)
  • I wish my weekend dance partner contacts me
  • I also wish the extremely pretty girl in the pictures of him that I Facebook stalked is his sister
  • I wish for the new business to go to all heights
  • I wish my mom true true happiness
  • I wish myself and the sister more of that true true happiness
  • I wish for my muse to make her/his return and get this brain writing
  • I wish for my email server to collapse and delete all evidence of you/us, just to stop me from reading and rereading old emails.
  • I wish to not get over you, but to get used to not having you near by.
  • I wish I never get over you
  • I wish I meet some one as amazing as you, just with less issues
  • I wish my future winemaker husband (yes, he is completely unaware of the pending nuptials, and yes he actually has a GF,who I can’t wish into a sister) is the guy that will let me forget about you just 1%
  • I wish I was normal…  But then again, boring is normal…. I mean, normal is boring…
  • (Apparently, the water has a higher alcohol content than I thought…) =]

I hope that made sense to at least one person reading, because I lost track a while ago… =D

Any wishes for your Wednesday?

Love Always,

M

Top 10 things I miss most…

…now that I’m a ‘grown-up’

This post was gonna be about Him, you know who. But I grew a pair and realized there is things I miss more than the few things that accumulated in the 2 months in his company…

So, here is the top 10 things I miss most, now that I’m a ‘grown-up’, I’m using that term lightly, as I am a slightly childish person. I figure a grown-up as some one earning their own money, living in their own place (or with roommates, sister in my case) and making their own decisions.

  1. Having the washing done for you – the best part of living at home!
  2. Not needing to make decisions like do I need life insurance
  3. People accepting you dancing around in the rain, when you are 2 it’s cute, when you are 22, people think you are drunk
  4. Other people making decisions for you
  5. SCHOOL HOLIDAYS!!!
  6. Watching animation… There is a gap in every ones life between being a child and having a child that you can get judged at for sitting through Finding Nemo 10 times.
  7. Being scared, of the dark, of  a scary movie, of the noise against your window. You are an adult, deal with it.
  8. Having some one to kill the spiders and other creepers… (now I just put a plastic bowl on them and wait for some one else to get home.
  9. Getting jello when I’m sick, no questions asked
  10. Not getting judged when your ice cream falls and you want to cry a little.

There you have it… (I’m honestly considering the fact that I might be insane as I reread that list…)

What do you miss most??

Love always,

M

I can’t write…

I’m stuck, like an elephant in quick sand, I’m stuck.

Every time I sit in front of the PC, or pick up my journal, or try to edit my novel, or just think, okay now I’m just writing to get it out, every single time something stops me. Some one stops me.

You

The ghost of your presence

It’s horrible, quite honestly! I have always been able to write, since I realized that writing is my outlet, I wrote, about happy, about sad, about joy, about horror.

But since you left, I haven’t done much… Even my blog posts are up to shit…

I had a little (and by little I mean really big) breakdown last night and went into some unexplained hysterical crying fit, I was literally crying for 2 hours straight, with no motivation.  No explanation. Just a bottle of wine and really sad music, combine that with just a tad of PMS, and you have an uncontrollable girl, crying her eyes out alone in her flat…

Hopefully that bout of silliness got all of you out of my system, not because I want you out of my system, but it will probably be for the best…

Its horrible…

I will try writing (sense) again soon, till then, be good..

Love always,

M

Stuck in a fantasy

The last week and a half, I was in Cape Town, a first for me, and with out a doubt my new favourite place.

I fell in love with every bit of CT, Table mountain, the spectacular view from every corner you are at, the friendly people, the FOOD! God, the food!!! And, of course, the wine… I keep joking that I turned into a well-functioning alcoholic, but that’s not new news =]

I was amazed by how much good CT did my soul, sitting on Table mountain, drinking coffee with a raven for company and a view to die for. Sitting in a little hip street cafe with new friends and talking for hours about everything and nothing. Riding around on top of a tour bus, seeing every corner of CT without a care in the world. And writing… Not actual words on paper, still a bit blocked there, but the ideas forming in my head.

I will put up some photos later, for now I’m gonna try to not get yanked out of my fantasy mood =]

Love Always

M

 

Being absent…

Hey there lovely world 🙂

I apologize for being a bit on the non-communicative side of life, but I’m in Cape Town at the moment for a work thing, and it is beyond amazing…
I kinda wish I could stay here and forget about life.
Because that’s what this lovely city has been doing for me, making me forget about all that has happened the past month or two…
I still miss my international friends more that you would think possible and I simply cannot wait to see them again. But I have come to the realization, that I can’t waste my life away on sone one who can’t deem me important enough to send a 5 word email to the girl they left behind…
Was I that unworthy?

Love,
M*

You’re not always right…

I’m a bit stuck in my writing ways (let’s blame it on my muse) and when I saw todays’ Write Now prompt, I knew it was meant to yank me out of my writing rut.

So here goes nothing…

Prompt – 

He closed his eyes and let his head loll back — he’s gotten it wrong again.

 

“You’re not always right, you know,” she jokes with a smile and takes a sip of her Jack on the rocks. They sit in silence, staring up at the stars as the words hang between them. He knowing it’s not a complete jest and her knowing it’s going to get a reaction sooner or later. He hates being wrong…
 
He sucks on the Marlboro hanging between his fingers and glares at her sideways, “yes?” he says, formed as a question, that could mean everything and nothing, and she knows he wants her to elaborate before he gives a reaction.
 
“You think that I’m just messing around, I’m not. I’m not serious, but I’m not messing around. And also, old man… I’m not a little girl anymore, I can handle myself.”
 
Another dose of silence follows, she hates this, he knows, but he enjoys seeing the frustration building behind that ever-changing greenish eyes of hers. He studies her faces, trying to get a read, but as usual, he comes up blank. He usually pretends his way out of these situations with her, going about as if he knows her thoughts, but not really having a clue, good thing for him is that she usually shares it sooner or later, sometimes without even knowing. 
 
Another drag on the Marlboro, another sip of Jack and then he speaks, noticing that her eyes are on the point of going bright green, a sure sign that she is getting annoyed, or horny. He could work with both.
 
“So your point, crazy cat lady?” 
 
She rolls her eyes and he hides a grin behind his whiskey tumbler.
 
“My point, grumpy old man, is that you shouldn’t make assumptions over what I’m feeling. I am NOT in love with you, who could be? You’re arrogant, you’re selfish, you’re stubborn, you’re pretentious and you NEVER show interest. And no, what just happen in there,” she jerks a thumb towards the bedroom, “doesn’t count as ‘showing interest’. It just means we were both here, and willing.”
 
 “Yes?” he replies and she slams her glass down on the table
 
“What does ‘yes…’ mean? Say something!”
 
“You are too young. And naive. It’s not a bad thing. But at this moment, it’s not a good thing.”
 
She close her eyes and lean back, her hand rubbing the small of her neck, a sure sign that she is gonna lose it soon. He traces a finger up the seam of her jeans, and scratches back down. He feels the muscles of her leg tightening and knows, he’s got her back. He hates it when she goes on these missions to try to figure out what is happening. 
He enjoys her, and that’s that, what more does she needs? And even if she needs more and won’t get it, he knows she won’t walk out of this room. She never has before…
 
She grabs his hand and their eyes connect over the table, through cigarette smoke and mist.
 
“I’m done, old man.”
 
And she’s gone… Bewildered he looks around, not believing she would leave. Not her. 
But it’s true, she got tired of his games… 
His head lolls back and he looks up to the sky, to the stars she loved so much.
He was wrong. Twice in one evening.
First, in believing she wouldn’t leave
and, secondly, in believing it wouldn’t hurt if she did…
 
“I’m done, old man,” her words echo in his head as he drowns her with Jack.
 
Please note, the above is FICTION… 
 
Love Always,
M