What to believe…

The reasons I’m missing you, has nothing to do with the fact that you are not here, or that I fell in love, or that you are not contacting me.

Okay, it might have something to do with the lack of communication.

But mostly, it has to do with all the things you made me believe in. All the thing you made me believe about myself.

You made me believe that I am good, and that I deserve good things in life

You made me believe that Jack and music can fix almost anything (and now I crave Jack more than anything)

You made me believe that it is near impossible to wake up with out a good proper cup of coffee – a very expensive habit

You made me believe that words aren’t always needed, but that actions can’t always be trusted

You made me believe that I am better than dating a 50-year-old, just because he’s the only one interested.

You made me believe that I could actually write… well, you believed in me, and now I believe as well

And then you left… Now I’m not sure what to believe. Because for the first time in a very long time, I allowed myself to hope…

To hope that all you made me believe was true.

And now I’m pretty sure I was just a roadmarker on your way, and I’m okay with that.

I’m not happy, I’m not perfect, I’m not satisfied. but I’m okay.

Because this was a silly flirtation, and I was a fool, for believing in you… Of all the things I believed, that you actually cared, that was the most foolish one of them all.

I hope you miss the silly little girl, at least just a little bit. Because this is me, giving up on believing in you…

 

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Gimme a moment…

Gimme a moment
to fall out of love
with all you are.
 
Gimme a moment
to remember
all the why not’s
 
and forget
all the what if’s
 
Gimme a second
to not dream
hope 
and wish…
 
Gimme a second
and stop
being so amazing
and perfect
 
And everything else
I’m not allowed 
to be in love with
 
Gimme a minute
an hour
a lifetime
with you.
 
Gimme a reason
for all
of your excuses
 
Gimme a reason
for being
so very stubborn
 
Gimme a moment…
 
I fell in love
Again
 
I need one more moment…
To fall out of love
with you
 

*Thank you, for being the perfect inspiration, and for making me so confused that I can only express myself in poetry. I need this. Thank you, very being so very YOU*

Maybe…

Maybe…
You upset me
Because it’s the truth…

Maybe,
You don’t know
How it hurt

Maybe
I’m dumb to be upset
Because it was a joke…

But you don’t know me
You don’t know
How true it got
Thinking that’s all
I’m worth

Maybe
You are right

Maybe
I’m only an object
To some people
And I hate feeling
That way

Maybe
I am angry
Coz u got too close to the nerve
U got too close to knowing
U got too close to using
Or not

Maybe
I’m just dumb
Or
Maybe
Ur just
An asshole