The Flower Child’s Song…

I look out my window

And see the sky

The trees

The birds

But I don’t see the beauty

I became used to the world around me

Assumed it will always be there

There is so much that can take it away

That can take you away

And me…

I take it for granted

This world around me

The smiling baby

The spring breeze

The smell of fresh coffee

The sound of your voice

I take for granted

A walk in the park

A good book

A sad movie

I take for granted

Myself

You

Us

I look out of my window

And I shed a tear

It is so wonderfully beautiful

to be alive

When spring comes alive

Around you

Within you

I wish you could see…

The apple blossoms

I wish you could hear…

The sparrow’s cry

I wish you could feel…

The sun on you skin,

The water in your face

I wish you could taste…

My spring touch

My summer kiss…

Photography by Alex BenetelInspiration found: http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/51/24/66/512466bd0d81b57d487d1726d22a6c5c.jpg

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Missing youth…

I miss the days

where a kiss meant

i like you

 

I miss the days

where going to the movies

was the best date

 

I miss the days

where it was easy

 

I miss the days

where love

was a simple

yes or no

 

I miss the days

where life

didn’t get in the way

 

I miss the days

where a kiss meant

i love you

 

I miss the days…

where I didn’t know you.

Miss 101!

So, Miss Alysia over here at this epic blog was follower number 101, and as I am still waiting for number 100 to reply on my guest blog offer, I asked her if she would like to contribute something, and boy did she deliver?!

Here is an amazing poem from the hands of Alysia!

Shadows Array
 
From the moonlight we see
 
Those who dwell within
 
Cross my heart and pray
 
It was just but him
 
I can see no more the light shining through
 
But feel the rain that bears I shall do
 
Standing there, just shadows array
 
Falling above from within the sky
 
From the sunshine we glimpse
 
Those that form the ray
 
Holding each breath
 
Hoping he would say
 
I can feel the heat burning right through
 
But sense him say that I did too
 
Standing there just shadows array
 
Falling above from within the sky
 
From the gathering we eye
 
Those that lie beneath
 
Placing what’s left
 
Nothing but wreath
 
I can hear the final words echoing through
 
But say to myself why is it you
 
Standing there just shadows array
 
Falling above from within the sky
written by alysia

Thank you, Alysia!!

 

Seeing you…

Seeing you again..
Standing there,
as stunning as always
not giving a fuck
not caring
just trying to look impressive

Like always,
You just nod,
a small gesture,
I see you,
small person.
I acknowledge your presence

But then you smile,
That blue eyes light up
And I feel
Like I’m the only one
Who ever got that smile

Then I wonder
Why you left
Why we left
What we had
Years ago

High school love
Silly children things
But still
With that smile
That impressive body
That I can handle the world stance
I think I miss it
miss you
miss seeing you

I have forgotten
To remember all about you…
To remember you…

Seeing you again…
Better than I have ever
imagined

open letter…

(DISCLAIMER – this is a long letter, to no one… read at own risk. and I know the grammar and punctuation sucks. But then again, I’m the writer, so there must be a reason for the lack of punctuation…)
 
im done…
that’s what i told myself
but then why are you stuck in my head like a bad cold? 
this wasnt my imagination…
this wasnt in my head
ive read somewhere that love, feelings, infatuation, whatever you want to call it, is never completely one-sided. then why this? this hot and cold treatment? 
this run around with my infatuation for you.
u’re giving me whiplash..
u’re making me quote twilight!
why go out?
why make me dinner?
why go on with this silly correspondence?
if there is nothing? why not just leave me alone…
this wasnt my imagination…
this wasnt in my head
im not insane
but i AM DONE
im finished trying to understand
im done fishing with ur mind
and MOSTLY im done with whatever mad, mad game u are playing…
because, if i understand one of your million cryptic messages correctly,  I DO deserve better. i do deserve the ‘greatest gift’ from some one who is willing to give it to me. from some one who isn’t afraid. because love and feelings and all that will always scare everyone. but if u want something badly enough, you will go through the afraid. just to see what lies on the other side… and sure, if you have been to the other side and gotten hurt beyond repair, that afraid will seem thicker and harder to work through. but u cant throw every maybe and what if away…
people say they stay out of things, to not get hurt, to not hurt others. dont you think it hurts anyway? it hurts because u are so wonderful, and u give a fuck. u are so amazing and u dont care.
the most wonderful things could be waiting on the other side of that afraid… and im not saying that im something wonderful, because im not… but i couldve been. we will never know… u werent willing to give our maybe a chance.
but i was.
maybe too willing
maybe too into it from the get go.
im not insane…
this wasnt all in my head
you cant miss someone who meant nothing to you… 
and you meant something, obviously, otherwise, i wouldnt be missing you as much as i am…
this wasnt all in my head…
this wasnt all in my imagination.
but then again
this is what i do.
i build these things up in my head, and make them bigger and better.
then i start believing my head…
instead of reality
then my heart starts to follow, because my head tells it what a great idea it is.
And then I scare people of.
i freak them out, without even trying, because that’s what i do… because its in me to be over the top. to jump into relationships, even just a supposedly fun and flirty one, with everything. because i dont know how not to do that…
even when i know, in my head and heart, that i am not ready for my big, epic love. and that i know you are certainly not my big, epic love.
i still jump into the first sign of ‘like’ as if my life is depending on it… because, in all honesty, being addicted to you, to love, to heartache and heartbreak, is a whole lot safer, and healthier, than cutting, drinking and all the other useless things people get addicted to… 
I wanted a flirtation…
I wanted some fun.
but all my actions pointed to me wanting something more, something permanent. 
is this my way of ruining my own chances? is this how i safe my heart? by pretending to be overly in love, when i know its not what i want or need. 
then again…
maybe my heart knew something i didn’t. we didnt…
this letter is on the point of becoming pointless…
maybe because i know you will never read it, and i keep on writing in the hopes that the longer the letter, the bigger the chance of you seeing what is going on in this messy head of mine… 
God… every song i hear makes me think of you. why? why? why? why did we have to have so much in common?
why did you have to be so close to the guy i have been waiting for?
was this all just coincidence?
is God, faith, cupid, whatever, sitting up there laughing at me, thinking, as you are, that im some stupid little girl who actually though life was going in the right direction for her for once…
w
t
f
was this in my imagination…
was this all just in my head…
im sorry…
im sorry for thinking there was more.
im sorry for bothering you
im sorry about being so very ME
and lastly im sorry for everyone suffering through this letter…
I read somewhere once, rather regret the things you did, than the things you didn’t… 
i dont regret trying, but maybe one day you will regret that you didnt…
 
ive been thinking and i dont regret it, any of it, im sorry, sorry i made a fool of myself, sorry i thought i was actually worth ur time. but i dont regret it. i dont regret trying, i dont regret jumping when i shouldve waited. i dont regret being me, even if me was obviously not what u wanted. 
 
mostly… im sorry for being such a little girl… 
 
Maybe one day you will read this and know…
 
(this post was written a while ago… and who knows if i still mean everything said here. but it needs to get out. so I’m posting it on one of my favourite days, at my favourite time)

I dream…

I dream
of moonlight
and stars bright
of love
lust
and everything in between
 
I dream 
of romantic
semantics
and childish
wildish adventures
 
I dream
of sleeping in your arms
and staying awake
until late into the night
 
I dream 
of your smell
your touch
your smile
 
I dream
too much…
I do
too little…
 

Maybe…

Maybe…
You upset me
Because it’s the truth…

Maybe,
You don’t know
How it hurt

Maybe
I’m dumb to be upset
Because it was a joke…

But you don’t know me
You don’t know
How true it got
Thinking that’s all
I’m worth

Maybe
You are right

Maybe
I’m only an object
To some people
And I hate feeling
That way

Maybe
I am angry
Coz u got too close to the nerve
U got too close to knowing
U got too close to using
Or not

Maybe
I’m just dumb
Or
Maybe
Ur just
An asshole