On show…

Looking for a bit of distraction
On this long winding road
Knowing im just a side show attraction
Waiting to be sold
Searching for the day
Of new release
Wondering if I should stay
And do as you please
And all in between
Not much change
Just another mindless scene
Waiting for you to see
To who do I direct my plea?
Waiting for you to know
This wasn’t all, just a show.

The 50 Best Qualities A Modern Girl Should Have

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I need to make these my new guidelines…

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

1. Be the girl who isn’t afraid to laugh at herself, who still manages to pull off the worst of jokes, and can effortlessly brighten a room with the sound of her laughter.

2. Be the girl who is self-aware and recognizes her own flaws. The girl who continually strives to better herself.

3. Be the girl who is comfortable in her own skin; the girl that doesn’t let her insecurities stand in the way of her happiness. Be the girl who knows it’s okay to have insecurities but it’s not okay to give those insecurities the power to eat away at her.

4. Be the girl whom friends can call at 2 in the morning with a problem. Be the girl willing to drop everything for the people she loves. Don’t, however, be the girl who lets people walk all over her.

5. Be the girl who is willing…

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All the same…

Even if it feels like the floor is falling from under me
and the sky is floating away
It’s all the same
and I’m not sane
Even if it feels like the walls are shrinking
and the roof sagging
It’s all the same
and I can’t complain
Even if the flowers are fading
the clouds are crying
It’s all the same
and I should still remain
Even if  I feel like dying
every day, crying
It all stays the same
and I’m not insane…


Top Ten Thursday – This sucks…

And here, on a slightly sad note is the top ten reasons this week is sucking, and sucking a lot!!

  1. Saying good-bye to people
  2. Starting to get flu…
  3. Seeing how work is taking over my friends’ life
  4. Having no muse
  5. Being in a non-reading mode
  6. Being surrounded by idiots
  7. Early winter weather
  8. Working while everybody else is preparing for the long weekend
  9. That perpetual headache
  10. FLU!!!!

But then again… Here is all the reasons why this month (March and April) is ruling the year so far…

  1. Seeing people I thought left my life
  2. Getting a typewriter from one of them!
  3. Being offered the opportunity to go to Cape Town!
  4. SHOES =]
  5. Watching some very good movies with some very epic people
  6. Actually penning some good things…
  7. Discovering great music (Tove Lo, Fuzigist, etc)
  8. New Game of Thrones
  9. Some last-minute summer days still worthy of a sundress
  10. New hair, new me =]

In retrospect, I should put my big girl panties on and face the facts, I actually have NOTHING to moan and groan about, I’m having a great year and should remember that.

Love always,


Old love, young love, forgotten love…

My mind is just full of strange thoughts today, some of them about a boy, a guy I used to have in my life, and I’ve been thinking about him a lot these past days, more than I would like to admit…

He used to be my everything, like any teenage girl would feel about her first love, I chased him for about 2 years before he finally gave me the attention I required, and after a few months I left him. Even to me, that’s still one of the weirdest things I ever did. And usually, the closer it gets to May, the more I miss him, but I’ve realised something. I don’t miss HIM.

I miss the feeling…

The feeling of getting a message from him, out of the blue and knowing I was on his mind.

The feeling of looking out my front door, minutes after my mom left for work, and seeing his bike in front of the gate, ready to come and cuddle up next to me

The feeling of holding hands in public, and basically telling the world, look, some one choose ME

The feeling of getting to kiss him, whenever the whim struck

The feeling of spending the whole day together, and still needing more

The feeling of having someone to share the little things with

And after having some one in your life for 3+ years, it’s difficult not having them, even it was 3 years since I’ve last kissed him…

But you know what the worst part is; we didn’t end on good terms… And I hate that. I hate that I can’t tell our story without feeling a little tinge of ‘he was an asshole’ and he was… Because even though I was the one who finally did the break-up, he ended our friendship after that.

The last conversation I had with him went a little like this…

“Hey, sorry to bother you, but, ummm, my dad passed away, and, ummm I kinda need you now, because I don’t know exactly how I’m going to cope without you holding me together.”

“Hey, please leave me alone, I thought we were done.”

Cue the new waterfall of tears…

And that, along with the fact that he was a cheating scumbag, made me hate him, more than I ever thought I will. And it makes me sad, knowing that someone who meant that much to me, years ago, is not in my life any more…

This above story is also the reason why I try not ending anything on bad terms, I will fight, that’s a guarantee, but I will also probably make the first step to better things, because I hate that feeling of losing someone and knowing it ended badly.

I’m not sad that I lost him, I know now he was not some one I need in my life anymore, but I honestly hope that I never have to lose some one I care about that much again, in that way…

Some day I think life would’ve been better not meeting him at all, because then I didn’t have to live with the knowledge that someone like him existed in this world. Then there wouldn’t have been anything to miss. But I needed to meet him, to show me how to go on, how to survive, how to not need some one, how to be me, how to love, how to be.

Now I just need to remember that…

Thank you…

Cigarettes, sweet wine and you


Some of the truest words I’ve read in a long while… enjoy

Originally posted on johncoyote:


Cigarettes, sweet wine and you

A Poem by Coyote Poetry


Old places become better with time


                                   Cigarettes, sweet wine and you

I sat and waited with my Poet friend. I was the back-up Poet at the Austin, Texas poetry night.
Just listening to Poets read their words. I like the polite places where writers
share words without being rated or degraded.

I was requested to read because  AWOL writer missed his turn.
I went up and read my poetry free style.

Cigarettes, sweet wine and you
Sweet love.
Dirty love.
Burning love.
Unholy love.
See me.
Look at me.
Watch me.
Let wander into dangerous places.
I need you nude.
I want us to hide nothing.

Love me like I’m your first love, last love.
Real or fake emotion.
We can’t stop the hunger.
Lust can take us to paradise, esctacy where regret is
lost and forgotten.

I want…

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